You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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