I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
