It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
