Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
