Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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