Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
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