Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
The feeling are messing with the penis
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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