Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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