just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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