i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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