You made me cry and you don't even care
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
