Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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