so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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