i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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