life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
