Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
