I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
You're like the curious george of whores
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
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