Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
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Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
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I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
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