Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
