dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
