Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
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