What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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