it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
