we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Randomize
