Swine flu. Run for my life!
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
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