I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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