"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
