She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
