I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
so let's talk penis.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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