I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
