I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
