I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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