ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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