Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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