I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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