i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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