Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
