So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
