The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
