i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
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Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
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Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
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