thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
