i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
