I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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