So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
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i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
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Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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