my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
