If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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