Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
