i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
