i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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