am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
