I should be sponsored by Trojan
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
