I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
