Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I wish you could order shots online.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Randomize
