we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Randomize
