She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
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