Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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