she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
