what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
