I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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