i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
