that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
