this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
