Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize