i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
im six kinds of drunk right now
false alarm. still invincible.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I believe in your delicious
Randomize
