Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
