I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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