Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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